Goals That Actually Work...

So last week, while I was preparing for my youngest's first day of kindergarten, watching my oldest move over to the local high school for junior high and become a teenager, guiding my daughter on her new 4th grade adventure, and looking forward to teaching my homeschooled son another year...I could hardly stay awake inside the car as I waited to pick my brother up from work. It seems I have all these things to do for other people, but I cannot even shower myself most days without an immense lead time for rest afterward.

"How am I going to make it to 50?" I said out loud. Truly. How can one person, so consistently fatigued, survive anything? It is like being perpetually in the first stage of pregnancy or wearing an xray jacket around all day while washing dishes, driving the car, and walking the kids to the bus stop.

Maybe it sounds extreme, but that is because you have never been perpetually exhausted. Maybe you have only known such fatigue (the kind that makes you literally collapse) when you have just given birth or have a nasty form of the flu. But I have felt like this on a daily basis most of my adult life - which is why I rarely answer the phone or keep commitments to leave my home. Most of us have felt this kind of literal fatigue, but not most days of our lives.

So, I decided last week (begged God really) to show me a better way. A way that all my brilliant doctors over the years have never discovered. I don't need a secret plan for the entire universe. Just a way for my own body to work properly. Medical professionals have never considered fatigue an issue, while Social Security gives checks to millions in the US every year, because of this kind of clinical fatigue. What the heck causes it? Conventional medicine will long say they have no idea, and truly they don't care. Behind the fatigue is a massive amount of drugs. But I don't take them - they don't work anyway. I just wanted God to show me a way to aquire just enough strength to be normal and not 80 years old inside a 35 year old body. Truly. I can settle fine with normal every day tired that most people feel after a hard day's work.

I grabbed the only available piece of paper inside the purse my mother gave me for Christmas, and I started writing cryptic, messy goals in a red felt marker. What have I got to lose?

The first thing I was going to do was to stop eating wheat and to begin taking the supplements and vitamins I never naturally absorb. More than 80% of the immune system is located in the intestines. If you are not absorbing there, then something is "off", and it is usually (about 90% of the time) an allergy. The most typical allergy is to wheat or eggs. I know I don't have an egg allergy, because when I eat them, I am temporarily normal. It is after the toast when I feel drugged. If I feel awake after avoiding wheat, chances are...I am actually beginning to absorb some of the nutrients I am purposefully taking. Normally, I just dump them.

So far, so very good. I have actually been awake for the last three days or so. I have taken long walks Saturday (needing a nap afterward), Sunday (not needing a nap, but a cup of coffee), Monday (needing neither nap nor coffee, and actually washing the dishes and baking a pie afterward).

My next couple of goals was to find a way to afford my vitamins better. I think I have done that. I order them wholesale when I am not being lazy and begin to refill them just before I run out. I have invited a few friends to order with me, so we can all get a nice discount on the every day stuff - like vitamin C, calcium, and kids vitamins - that we all use. So far, so good...

Then, I decided that even if I could not coordinate the standing up properly, I would exercise - by walking - every day for 30 minutes. This is a real commitment for me. Sometimes, I cannot even walk to the kitchen to refill my morning coffee cup. I am so glad I no longer have an infant in the house. I could not even care for my youngest when he was born without medical professionals helping me in my home all day. And when they left, friends and family had to even help feed me. I don't want to go back to that kind of anemia and fatigue ever again. And I am hoping to avoid more iron infusions after this next one, because maybe just maybe I will actually retain what I have been given via IV.

So far, so good...with the above efforts.

I also turned my debit card over to my husband, because when I am overly tired, I cannot cook properly and so I order easy to cook food or I give into the junk food junkies in my house, and I allow them to order out. This time, I can't do that. So, I work within the budget I am regimented with when I have the energy. I have decided that if I really want something, I have to live as though I am already there. I crock pot everything like I have an amazing physical list of activities to complete by the end of the day, because one day, I will have the energy to complete them again.

And lastly, I have decided that I want to complete my degree in natural health. I will start slow - with certifications first, and by begging friends to let me use their health issues as case studies while I learn...offering them free vitamins and daily really good smelling cups of nutty tea. That part has only arrived in a small sliver of excitement on the horizon so far, as I need the capital and organization skills to keep me focused on my educational goals.

What is amazing to me, is that, since we found out we were losing the house, I have begun repeating the phrase to God, "You are just going to have to surprise me, Lord." And He does. Everytime. It is as if this is what He really wants to do. Or maybe, I have just finally melted into that part of Sacred Scripture that says He will give me the desires of my heart. Perhaps, after all this sleepy suffering, He has created the desire to get better, so I can help others in much worse shape.

Imagine that. Who knows?

I will keep you updated. Off to teach the first day of homeschool now, and to prepare a gluten free afternoon and a long walk with my obese dog who currently has human-imposed weightloss and etiquette goals.