I Know That My Redeemer Liveth

Handel simply copied Sacred Scripture, but he believed what he copied onto paper and set to beautiful Sacred music. He signed every work, "For the Glory of God". And it worked, because when people sing the Hallelujah Chorus, they sing the Mass without abandon. They sing of the glory of God, whether or not they even believe it. Even if they are simply copying Handel's words.

It is a good thing my husband and I have decided to sell the house. Yesterday, my sweetheart called the mortgage company to see what our payoff was, to find out what the lowest and highest is that we might be able to get according to what we owe. Already, because were behind - but only very slightly and nothing close to so many other Americans - our account has been sent to an attorney. No one bothered to notify us. It was done a while ago. While on vacation, we still had not decided to move. We were praying as a family to be able to simply keep our house, all the while our mortgage company decided that our dedicated payments (minus a couple sent late many months ago) were not enough.

Now we have to pack today. We have to box up the glasses and the books and sell 90% of what we have, because we certainly will not have room to take it. We have paint and scrub like our lives depended on it. We have to do all this in time for our children to start a new school they have never even laid eyes on.

Last night, we had already made earlier plans to view some houses. We found three we really liked. They are selling for about a third of the worth of our house. We are praying that someone will give us a new mortgage, let us move in before school starts. We are praying that our house sells fairly fast. I have several friends who have sold their homes in less than a month, and I find this miraculous - especially up in the PA mountains where we live.

Should I be blogging this? Who knows? I am not one to keep deep, dark secrets. In fact, I learned long ago not to toss my pearls to swine and share every important thing with everyone, and I learned, equally, that sometimes speaking your struggles out loud can bring the light of reality to them and put them in their proper place, and it can help those who are struggling also, but who are too ashamed to mutter the truth.

I have been there. And this situation is not the worst we have ever faced. We have gone without food and health insurance and without heat and hot water for months at a time in the past. I have had to give my babies half and half, because there was no more formula or pray that a friend invites us over for dinner, so that my little ones can eat something substantial. We have been there before and all while our upper middle class parents watched on and told us "this was God's way of molding and shaping us" and that their hands were tied when they clearly weren't. We faced eviction notices in the earliest part of our marriage and parenthood when I was still paralyzed and pregnant and recovering alone all day at home from Guillian-Barre Syndrome.

We have been in worse places.

This is why I took my brother in last summer when he had no place to go. Who leaves family behind when they are hurt the most? But this effort is what is costing us our home today. It is the bigger part of it. Taxes soared to nearly three times what they were when we moved in four years ago. Gas was $4.00 a gallon when we first began to struggle, supporting ourselves and my brother who remained out of work and solely dependent on us for 8 months.

So now what? We can only pray. We can only get slapped around and beg God for mercy. There is no other way around the many trials and trails of life. We can only know that while we may feel like lots around us is dying away, our Redeemer Liveth.

So said Handel when he wrote those words to music. If this is something you need to know today, I hope my story somehow will remind you of that. So pray for us, and we will pray for you.

"Faith is like a dark tunnel: God gives us the Light to take one step at a time. The Light is not given to see the end of the tunnel." Fr. Walter Ciszek

"Let God rule; be affected by Him. It is like being affected by TV. (contemplation) Learn the prayer of listening. With it comes unconcern, eternal wisdom, and a passive attitude with a total readiness to act." Fr. Walter Ciszek

Job 19:26 "And though...worms destroy this body, yet in my flesh shall I see God: I know that my Redeemer Liveth!"