So Far, So Good...

So far, so good...with the lack of wheat thing. Turns out, when I don't eat it, I am not as tired. When I don't eat it, I don't even miss it. The only time I was tempted was when I ate a chocolate brownie at Through the Looking Glass today. Well, just part of one. Really only a bite.

But even with that, my middle of the day immobility arrived at 2pm instead of 12pm, and more as an afternoon sleepiness and not a weird sudden near-paralyzation.

It has been three full days of no wheat, and I can actually feel the difference. I said to Leonarrrrrrdo this morning, while sitting out on our front porch, "I feel like something has snapped for me."

"I felt like you snapped a long time ago," he replied back sipping his French Roast coffee.

"No! That's not what I mean!" I insist. "I mean, that I feel like something has changed. Like I am still tired, because I have no iron, but that I am not nearly as tired as I was three days ago."

"Oh, that kind of snapping. Yeah, you look different."

I have no huge allergy puff eyes when I awaken in the morning. I actually awake before most in my family and make the coffee. Three days in a row, I got up before the kids even knew there was yet a morning, and I showered! True story. In the past, I had been told that I did not have Celiac Disease, and therefore, not a "wheat problem". But I asked my doctor last week, "Could I just have a wheat allergy and not a complete intolerance to digesting wheat? I mean, my immune system is fighting something so hard that I cannot absorb basic nutrients anymore. Just like a person with Celiac Disease."

"Why not?" he asks. "Definitely why not. It makes sense."

And then I wonder why the heck they end up making so much money...

The truth remains to be seen. But I have contacted a specialist in CFIDS (look it up), and I have been given a list of supplements that I need to infuse into my daily routine every day in order to gain more strength.

Again, so far so good. I notice a difference. I have slept much more soundly, and since I have begun this no-wheat-thing, I have not been awakened in the night with terrible leg cramps that last 15 minutes or more. This time, I sleep all night long and wake relatively pleased that the sun has risen.

I already take vitamins every day, as I don't absorb a good portion of them in my normal food intake, but I have also incorporated a few interesting sounding ones now too, and I have seen a difference. What's significantly different is that I no longer crave weird things like carrots and raw broccoli or copious amounts of citrus fruit.

I have long had a sincere passion for medicinal herbs and homeopathy. I found both to work - the former with greater and often a faster lead time than the latter. But homeopathy always rids me of a cold, sinus infections, and respiratory problems much faster than even conventional methods. When I was in high school, I continued to get tonsillitis when I first moved to Central PA. My father had lost his job and my mother did not have anymore money in the budget for another co-pay. So she pulled out her homeopathy kit and gave me some little white soluble pills in decreasing amounts for three days. Within three days, the tonsillitis was completely gone and I never had any pain from it. I have nearly always had this kind of success with homeopathy.

So, once again, I have embarked on a study of it. Informally right now, but soon, I am going to finish that health care degree but from a "natural" angle. Perhaps, my discovery of dangerous grains will also now start to rid me of kidney stones.

Who knows? It has been only three days, but I have more proof of longevity with some of these "natural" methods than with other conventional prescription ones that have always made eager doctors drool when they promise me, "a sure fire way to get your energy back, dissolve all kidney stones, make childbirth painless, cure infections in 72 hours, knock off a migraine within 30 minutes, kick vertigo straight, and keep strep throat out of the system forever!"

They are about as reliable as a politician's promise not to raise taxes even if they come in, both, generic and name brand. Conventional medicine saves lives every day, but it is also often just a rich lobbyist's snake oil. So I don't care that most people who have never been seriously and chronically ill might think herbs and supplements are "unproven". So is God, but I strive hard to throw myself completely into His limitless care and I am encouraged to do so by millions of people who have never seen His face nor heard His voice in a readily available and audible voice. Sometimes the answer to things comes only through trial and silent expectation.

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Hebrews 1:11

Much more saintly and deserving people have wished for far nobler and important, impossible and ridiculous things than my wish to have energy like all the other 35 year olds I know. I think, maybe this time, I walk on the right path.

Imagine If!

I went to see my doctor for a follow-up visit for the shingles infesting my ear (sounds creepy, huh?) this past week.

"I am recovering from my old lady chicken pox, but what I really want is to not see you for, at least, 6 months. I don't want to come in here with my normal fall bronchitis or my December strep throat, and more than absolutely anything at all - I do not want to be tired anymore! My baby just went to kindergarten, my little girl is in 4th grade, my homeschooler wants to learn a sport this year, and my oldest is playing football and starting junior high! I don't want to be too tired to experience their lives anymore!"

He agreed that this sounded quite sane and reasonable, as I tugged on my ear and screamed a little bit (Shingles are tiny very painful recurring chicken pox). I told him that my neuro was sending me into the cancer center for another iron infusion, because I have virtually none in my body suddenly and again. He already knew this. I told him that I wanted to be one of those normal people who just naturally absorbs iron from their Saturday afternoon steak. He agreed that, this too, is very normal to want and a much more normal physical state to be in than I usually am.

So, for one of the few times in my weirdo medical history, I have taken my own care into my dystonia fingers.

"I think I might have a wheat allergy," I said to my doc.

"Why?" he asked.

I have him all the pertinent reasons (which he agreed in his nerdy doctor way are all quite medically sound), and I then informed him that I am embarking on research and heavy self-medication through vitamins, minerals, walking the dog, etc...as is safe.

"Sounds fine to me," he said. "Just let me know what new vitamins you begin to take and who you are getting them from. Some aren't all that good."

But what I have discovered is that every time I take vitamins, with the exception of iron, I absorb them fairly quickly even with the every day drugstore supplements. But I do much better with high quality ones.

For years now, I have wanted to finish my degree, but in natural health. I tried to get my BSN (Bachelor of Science in Nursing) a couple of times, but got sick in the middle of my way up and had to quit about 1/4 of the way there. It was the all the holistic and natural health classes I loved the most though, while other student nurses found dissection or labor and delivery infinitely fascinating. For me, though, it was learning all I could about the true effects of homeopathy (if any at all), and how an herbalist might get better results in a child with ADHD than Ritalin might in some instances. And so last year, around this time (when I was feeling slightly better for about an hour), I applied to a rather prestigious natural health college, but got too sick to enter. They continue to invite me, and the counselor I spoke with sends me tips on energy retainment nearly every week.

"This worked for me, but it might be different for you," he tells me. "Just keep trying. Something will work eventually, even if standard medicine cannot."

Now, I have this insane goal to finally get healthy (God knows I have tried a million fruitless times in the past) and if I can do it (with Our Lord's help), teach others and finish the degree I have been starting over and over again for a decade now (that this really already a masters but completely non-cohesive).

Like Miss Thaeda would suggest in her shrinky way, I even wrote down my goals. True story. And now I pray my gluten-free living for the next few weeks works.

Already, the whey shake has given my quite a bit of energy today. But that could be adrenaline due to the prospect of health, and maybe just maybe...a life without the cancer center!

Imagine if!

Bar Harbor to Leave PA

For everyone who lives around here...I have some sad information with a very slim silver lining.

My pal, Russ, is closing his very excellent used book store in the next couple of weeks, but everything is, at least, 50% off for a while.

If you are in my part of the world - google him and go shopping! You won't regret giving back to your community through this disappearing small business.

Bar Harbor Used Books

Almost Over

For those of who have kept up recently, it has been one heck of a rough summer. Thank God for great books, Divine Liturgy, good pizza, buckets of coffee, vitamins, and friends. Lots of great friends who are really family without the genetic screw-ups.

Anyway, today, I met with an attorney to speak with him about this sudden foreclosure (less than 60 days from threat to actual sheriff sale) to see if there was anything we could really do. I was greeted at the door by a friendly Doberman who led me to an oversized fluffy leather couch where I immediately recognized the secretary and said, "I have seen you before!"

Turns out, I am friends with her identical twin sister - who I was just thinking of and praying for today over morning coffee. The secretary promised to relay my good wishes to her sister - my pal and her twin - as soon as she got home from work that night and could call her.

The attorney was friendly. He immediately shook my hand and said,

"You guys are doing the right thing. You have a strong payment history. You worked hard to keep your mortgage company informed of struggles you were having. You sought out certified financial counseling. You are very frugal. You are selling the home. There is nothing more for you to do," he said looking across the table from me. "And this should probably not be happening to you."

"But this is all happening so fast," I insisted. "Is that legal?"

He said it was, that the foreclosure is ocurring in record time, because it is the most economical response from the point of view of the mortgage company.

"This will effect your credit, but it won't rock it like some foreclosures would. It's not that kind of a foreclosure. It's not the end of the world, and it is clear that you have done all you can. That matters."

He gave me some more advice, shook my hand again, told me we would be okay, refused to take a dime for the consultation, and then wished me a great week. His dog followed me to the door and begged me to toss around a dog bone with him.

I drove home relieved.

It's almost over. It's not fun. It is not without a great amount of stress. It has been painful. I cried last night like some freak, because I realized we had a home that we will never be going back to. The home holds a lot of our memories over the past four years. That is all that hurts anymore. But even that is fading. I never knew I could muster up a backbone so fast, or rather, that Our Lord could create one in me just when I really needed it.

It really is All of Him and None of Me.

The attorney and his dog are right - there are more important things in life that the home that is soon no longer to be ours, and we did all we could. And we didn't neglect our responsibilities. Things just happen. And God always does All- which is so much more than our unperfected minds can fathom. So much more. The picture I see today is not the real picture. I see only a shadow of a shadow. A sliver of a color. But not the whole picture, and so I believe this to be about us surviving the shocking and sudden foreclosure of our house, but it is about even more than that. This is something big that has something to do with the salvation of our souls. Grace is the center of this experience. And that is all my small human brain can comprehend. And so I must trust that this was allowed for some much greater purpose.

All things work together for the good of those who love God and who are called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28

You lose some and you win some. I feel like we have won. We are together. We have friends. We can go to Church on Sundays and celebrate Movie Night in our new living room - rented to us by our dear friends who come down the street to give us zucchinis and tomatoes from their garden. And prayers. We have a ton of prayers surrounding us and they have encouraged us to pray even more. And through it all we have realized the much greater needs of others, and through Grace, we know we are saved - and not by anything else.

He has won, because He is and was and is to come, and what is not nearly as important is nearly over now...and life begins anew each day.

Lessons That Can Save a Life!

I had a sudden and wonderful lunch with Catholic School Sister today. Comida Mexicana! It was great.

We were so excited to have the brief afternoon alone that we kept tripping over each other (well me mostly tripping in my big shoes) while making up our minds and then changing them again - regarding a lunch location. After lunch we wandered through town to shop and discovered this great quote on a plaque...

There are two theories about arguing with women.
Both are wrong.

I am purchasing this plaque for my husband to hang over his home office (and then to transport with him to work and to carry around his neck when he is home watching football and such).

It is a great lesson every man should WISELY learn.

Now!

Sisters of the Church - True Story!

Definitions:

Cradle/Cradler - To be born into a faith. Example: A cradle Catholic or Orthodox never had to convert to Orthodoxy or Catholicism because they were born into their faiths.

Convert: An adult who converted to a new faith. Example: Too easy. No example needed.

Recently, I have been able to have a beautiful conversation with a cradle Orthodox about the Eucharist. It has been such a blessing to me, and to her. She is far from an Orthodox church where she lives and finds absolutely very little in common with her Bible Belt neighbors. Not that they are not kind to her, but they just do not fast regularly or use the words "liturgical season" very often. And she is unable to take the Eucharist very often, as she has only Catholic churches near her. The opposite of my recent predicament with Orthodoxy. Come to think of it, strangely, I have had this kind of very pleasant exchange with more than one cradle Orthodox recently - the inability to get to the Eucharist regularly, but not for lack of want.

I completely understand their pain, and what is cool, is that no other faith can fully grasp this kind of longing for the Eucharist.

This recent personal Orthodox/Roman conversation is significant, because I have had many a slap in the face from converts to Orthodoxy in the past couple of years. The converts don't mean to appear cruel. This is the convert's last intention. But this is the result of much of their anti-Catholic remarks.

AKA: Really Evangelicals in Eastern disguise.

Love them. Do not love the sharp Protestant smell their Fire and Brimstone approach often gives off at Mass (or Divine Liturgy), where they are always ready to correct the priest on his "watered down homily" or "wrong offering of the Eucharist". Not that they are incrrect. Most of the time they are 100% right. It's just that they talk like the return to what-should-be is so very simple and "duh!" and somehow their recent invasion has nothing to do with the push against Catholicism to embrace Vatican II. They were the ones who incouraged us to speak in tongues and instructed our small groups....Now when they convert, looking for the Early Church, they treat us like half-witted foreigners who think the statue of Mary in our living room does our laundry when we are asleep at night.

And I am certain that the Orthodox Church is forever grateful for their numbers as well and their sincere fervency. I know they have similar distress though. We Romans are grateful for their conversion as well, because they create all our apologetics material and our nifty websites and TV programs. And I think their constant desire to spread the Gospel even in the grocery store is what we Catholics need - seriously need. But it is not always easy having them in our ranks. We Romans get a little tired of their slappings of us. They have no other enemies. They are kind of like bitter drill seargants who just got demoted to train kindergarten failures.

The cradlers though - the Orthodox naturally - they have become some of my best "Catholic" pals. I say "Catholic", because as a Roman, we are to consider them part of the Church as well. They - officially in Constantinople and Moscow - may not consider us familia, but we consider them as such. Valid Sacraments and all. Legitimate and same Eucharist. The only other place where Christ is fully present in His Body and Blood, Soul and Divinity.

Anyway, even when lifelong Orthodox say something that is contrary to Catholic teaching (not very often) it does NOT rub me even slightly the wrong way, as in this beautiful conversation I have had via email with a cradle Orthodox pal. I don't care when they disagree with me. It's never a problem.

We are sisters in the Church, and even though it may tick off a few old men in vestments in both of our worshipping locations, we refer to ourselves as such. We began in the exact same location 2000 years ago. We accept the same Eucharist each Sunday.

And we are the only ones who do.

So why did I not become Orthodox?

Because of all the darn Evangelicals who have invaded the place with their anti-Catholic ideas still fully, and sometimes even more ferociously, intact than before their conversion. This happens even in Roman Catholicism with Evangelical converts to Rome. True story.

They enter with the Evangelical belief that they are privy to some secret contract with Jesus that the rest of the world does not have. Even as Roman Catholics, they often treat cradle Catholics as though they are the ignorant slugs who need their Evangelical wisdom and intelligence imparted to them. It is often as though we original Romans are morons and the original Protesters are the geniuses of the Faith who have arrived to make everything better, shinier, and less "special ed". Now don't go sending me emails about making fun of special ed. I have a son with special needs, and this is exactly how I feel Evangelical converts to even my own Rome treat cradle Catholics: As though we are in need of a hand-holding when we cross the street to Mass.

"This is how it should be done, and now that I am here, I can explain it all to you. Thank God that my clear Evangelical thinking has been reluctantly dragged over to your slow Catholic thinking."

And they are often the bane of my Catholic existence. I guess this is the thing that "sends me to the bin" as my old pal, Fr. Straka would say, more than any other confessional item.

"Bless me, Father, for I have sinned in my angry thoughts toward the know-it-all Evangelical converts to Catholicism again..."

Father always sighs - any father - and says, "I know they are hard to deal with..." I have had more than one - Catholic and Orthodox - priest say to me, "Sometimes I am not certain they are always good for our future. Sometimes we spend a lot of time cleaning up the pain they cause in our parishes."

True story.

And I don't say this because I believe them to be evil or wrong or bad in their conversion. I want that everyone, even the Orthodox, can unite with Rome and become One Church again. I just think their personal lesson should be to leave the "holier than thou" former Evangelical attitude inside the bin where I leave my cradle Catholic "what's it to them!" fighting Irish anger management methods.

Not all converts are like this. Some come with the very pleasant attitude of, "What the heck is going on here? This is all totally new to me?"

Nice.

Because this means they are really Catholic or finally Orthodox. Because this is how the Saints were from the moment they began to serve Christ. Completely unworthy.

And this is the reason we Catholics drink so often, I am fully convinced. Not because we are these lovers of sin, but because we realize how little is in our control, how much bigger God is than our mediocre human existence, how much we fall short of even an inch of His glory. Again, our coping mechanisms are old world - 2000 year old world. We need instruction in this area, but we don't need the missal handed to us in a Dick and Jane reading fashion.

And so it has been really nice sharing emails from a cradle Orthodox - rouge sister of the Church - who has the same hang ups and trials as a dumb Roman might have. Nice. Refreshing like a huge water ice at a hot church festival in the dirty parking lot. She makes the converts so much easier to take in at a sudden Catholic Bible study.

New Stuff

Regulars will notice the new gadgets and such on my blog. I had time on my hands tonight while my son and husband watched preseason football...I should be getting that article together for the paper....